Done.

In these four years in all the good and the bad and everything in between as I look back and think on if there is anything I could have changed or done differently, I come to one conclusion....

I wouldn't change a thing.

Dooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :)

Hajj Reflections: One Year Later

So it has been just about an entire year since my journey to that beautiful place. Where the light never dies, your heart skips a beat and your breath gets absolutely taken away. Nothing else matters--here is you and The Almighty and suddenly everything is placed into perspective...existence-what does it really mean anyways?

Hajj, which translates to the pilgrimage in and of itself is a journey. The physical rigor alone could rip someone apart (had they not come adequately prepared) but it is the spiritual journey that takes you away. I would try to attempt to articulate how one feels upon being one of the blessed invited into the house...His House..but to even pretend that any articulation on my part accurately depicts those emotions would be unfair and completely downplaying it.

In the past few weeks as I watch the new hajjis to be prep for their own journey, observing the same anticipation I had just a year ago and feeling the same rush I had. Only this time, its a yearning to go back-but this is not my year of invitation and we are no longer the hajjis of the year--our time has come and gone and perhaps, just perhaps we may be blessed enough to go again...or never again. As I look back on the past year I can't help but think that the real journey only began once I got back. They say you know your Hajj is accepted when you've changed as a person. I remember coming home looking for every possible sign that I was changing...that my du3a would be granted...that I was a true hajji. A year later, I'm still questioning how much I really have changed. I look at all the du3a I made and see how many of them have been answered...oftentimes manifested in a form completely unexpected yet exactly what I wished for-subhanAllah. And a true hajji--I can only pray I got that clean slate...or work endlessly to keep it that way. Perhaps...the real change is the effort involved in maintaining that sinless state rather than what immediately occurs thereafter.

To pray for patience and not expect to be tested in what I fear the most would be silly...to not recognize it and accept it would be even sillier. Alhamdulilah for the opportunity for another journey...this one of self-discovery and a chance to become comfortable with my own skin.

May Allah SWT grant all the soon to be hajjis tawfiq in their journeys, inshaAllah.

Random ponderings...

Annapolis

Interesante...

"If you want to be right about the Middle East, it usually pays to be pessimistic."

"US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice is trying to use the last year in office of the Bush administration to create a Palestinian state and in the process take a giant leap towards settling a conflict that started around a century ago."

Hmm...seriously?

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Is feminism a liberal or conservative issue?
A question posed to my feminism and rhetoric class--I'd be interested on other Muslim perceptions as I've already built mine based off both faith and academic sources...

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"Life moves pretty fast. Ya don't stop and look around once in a while, ya gonna miss it!"
Ferris Bueller

An Embraced Humility...

I wish I had time to write everything that ran through my head--unfortunately, life doesn't allow that...specially for over analytical, dwellers like myself. Pride. It's interesting because I know so many of us who carry our pride for our faith and beliefs -- but then it becomes dangerous. Blinding so many to the simple or small things we could do to forge an understanding. That moderate path phenomena strikes again. It's like trying to decide how much to leave up to Allah completely and sit patiently, or go out and do something, only then to wonder-did I do the right thing?

Alhamdulilah (Praise be to God) for everything :)

3 weeks...just 3 weeks.

A beautiful du3a (supplication) I have found comfort in for just about anything...


‘O Allaah, I am Your servant, son of Your servant, son of Your maidservant, my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every name belonging to You which You name Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the unseen with You, that You make the Qur’aan the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety.’

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To die is nothing, but it is terrible not to live.

Victor Hugo -Les Miserables

The Little Things...and Chauvinist Pigs

It is truly the little things that make the world of difference. Today, it was a hug from one of my 3rd grade Sunday School students. Except, unlike most of the students who hug me after class because possibly today I was slightly easier on the homework, this one was different. It was a hug of thanks and near triumph. Or maybe not--but for me, it made the world of difference.

Let me back track. So, this is the first time I'm officially a Sunday School teacher--we won't count the attempts of signing up and having such a ridiculous schedule that it just never happened. The irony--the classroom I have, is the same one I used to sit in 13 years ago and get a private tutoring session. Memories--except this time, I was the one teaching and it was the thirty 8 year olds in front of me moaning and groaning that they had to be awake and in a classroom at 10am on a Sunday. After the first day of class and watching the struggle of these little ones counting the minutes until break-I made a vow to make this class as enjoyable and beneficial as possible. As I assessed my students, it amazed me to see the various levels each student was at. One student, mashaAllah could read and write arabic fluently, his recitation was near perfect (or as good as a 3rd grader's tajweed could really get) and he consistently asked for extra homework. On the flip-side there were many students struggling with just the arabic alphabet. One young boy caught my attention. Walking in on the first day with a look of helplessness and frustration after a general assessment, he simply proclaimed, "Sr. Yasmin-I've never been to Sunday School before and I don't know any of this!" and then quietly resorted back to staring at his sheet of paper that probably made no sense to him. Feeling a sense of empathy, possibly because one day not too long ago that little kid was me, or just because the personality of this boy seemed so dynamic or really because as a teacher it was my job--I sat with him every Sunday, gave extra work, assigned him study buddies and worked to make sure he never felt left behind in the class. Where am I going with all this? Well today, was the first arabic quiz. After looking at everyone's grade, and almost assuming his would be of the lower end-I looked at his. He hadn't missed a question-everything was correct, and he got one of the best grades in the class. Later he came up and said--"I can almost read arabic now Sr. Yasmin." with a grin from ear to ear. My day has been made, alhamdulilah :)

As promised earlier, I thought I'd expand more on Female Chauvinist Pigs-The Rise of Raunch Culture by Ariel Levy. So being in a class that takes a specific look at feminism and rhetoric using sources both primary and secondary to study the various aspects of feminism-what it is, how the argument changes based on who is presenting and basic issues that have been included, I must sincerely say this was of the most interesting classes and reads all semester. Levy, basically questions the stance that the new liberation movement of women "empowering themselves" by means of shows such as Girls Gone Wild, and women who feel that playing around, and wearing more and more provocative clothing by choice are indeed liberated. The book takes an in-depth look at the roles consumerism, commercialism, lesbianism, and how the new empowered and liberated woman manifests herself in these contexts. Levy further goes on to argue that women in their quest to liberate themselves are following the pattern of what is typically associated with masculinity and in turn falling into the typical pattern of keeping masculinity as the prominent gender. The class discussion was really everywhere with this but two main things resonated throughout the class over and over--1. In general no female, nor male for that matter, really saw this as true liberation and 2. We didn't want to see our children or children's children deal/do what this book cited in many high schools and middle schools today. How or what to do to solve this was a completely different matter that didn't seem to get touched. As I walked out of class all I could find myself thinking was-Alhamdulilah for Islam.

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Troubles are often the tools by which God fashions us for better things.
Henry Ward Beecher

Communication is not for losers...

Anyone who has spent even one hour in my house with my parents home has probably heard the age old line "communication is for loooosers." Imagine a mysteriously thick desi accent that comes out exceptionally well in the accentuation of loser.

As I have been so strongly advocating since I declared "communication" as my major of choice 4 years ago, the recent week has only perpetuated my belief that there really needs to be better communication in this world, and really proper communication can solve everything--and by communication i mean hearing and listening as well. SubhanAllah, even Islamically, one of the key aspects that make Islam so unique is how the faith has been communicated out and passed along. The history of the Quran and narration of hadith, how they have been documented and the accuracy of what we read today vs. what the sahaba knew during the Prophet SAW is amazing. Our religion has been communicated out perfectly--it's just a matter of following it.

This past weekend I was given the opportunity to see a premiere of Prince Among Slaves, the story of a Muslim African prince brought into America under slavery. It amazed me to see the most common reaction from people afterwards was--I can't believe I never knew that story. How did we not know? The other take away from this event was prior to the showing, one of the co producers introduced the film. As part of his introduction, he told an old joke which I had heard before but struck a different chord with me this time. The joke was about a silent debate between 2 esteemed religious officials, one Jewish, one Christian. They both did various actions with their own intent in mind and afterwards were asked about it. The Christian figure was like, the Jew won the debate fair and square--I held up 3 fingers to symbolize the Trinity, he held up one for one God, I pointed to the sky and he pointed to the ground, I brought out my bread and wine and then he brought out an apple to symbolize the start of humanity etcetc. (there's more and I'm probably wrong but this is what I remember...). The Jew in response was like wow, how did I win? He was holding up three fingers so I was holding up one questioning what the fingers was all about. He pointed to the sky so I pointed to the earth, and well he took out his lunch-so I took out mine. So I probably butchered this joke but the point is, two people can answer and do the same thing that can be interpreted completely different, based on their own perceptions shaped by their own personal experiences and mentality. Good food for thought, considering the arguments and disagreements I keep seeing occur seem to question that.

On a complete different note--my current read has been Female Chauvinist Pigs by Ariel Levy. So while the title was definitely eye catching--the actual book itself from an academic and gender communication perspective was even more thought provoking. Since I don't want to spoil the book itself for anyone who will actually check it out, here's an excerpt from the back that gives a good synopsis:

"Meet the Female Chauvinist Pig--the new brand of "empowered" woman" who embraces "raunch culture" wherever she finds it. In her groundbreaking book, New York magazine writer Ariel Levy argues that, if male chauvinist pigs of years past thought of women as pieces of meat, Female Chauvinist Pigs of today are doing them one better, making sex objects of other women--and of themselves."

Needless to say, the class discussion this was one of the best we've had so far and afterwards I got into awesome dialogue about muslim women with one of the few males in the class.

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“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”
--Albert Einstein

this is just a test. simply a test.